Fun, my life!

Kids hail me in songs
I take everyone to school
I'm the bus driver

I wake up. I eat. I do a lot of things. I wish I could do a lot more. But I'm just one person. There are only 24 hours in a day. Were there more, I'd probably end up not doing everything I wanted to. I'd probably complain about there only being 28 hours in a day. What does it matter. The movies delayed again. I feel like strangling someone. Does that make me hostile?

Let's see if I am. I feel like strangling. Pimps often strangle. Prostitutes have pimps. Prostitutes exchange sex for money. Money is the root of all evil. Evil is a human construct. Human constructs become social norms. One social norm is not murdering people. Not murdering people coincides with many religions. Religions have caused countless deaths. Death is a fact, like taxes. Taxes are filed annually. Filing annually is poor organization. Poor organizers can lead to crappy events. Crappy events can lead people to be unsatisfied. Unsatisfied people can get rowdy and hostile. There you have it, I guess I am hostile.

My eyes start to shut
I start to think of my dreams
I can't keep this up

This is the story of a boy

From inside his cell
He broods and plans his escape
The child you once were

Once upon a long ago, there was a boy. Brought into a world he did not understand because of a choice he did not make. Early childhood for him meant lots of drugs. He was constantly sick. He even knew the names of the antibiotics he was taking. Memorized after countless doses. He didn't make very many friends. The ones he did manage to make, he cherished greatly. When you have very little, you appreciate the little you have. He struggled through it all until his teens.

His illnesses faded, he became more socially capable. His childhood, or lack there of, behind him. He started to dream. Of his future, of what could potentially be. No, to him it was what would be. A child in the guise of an adolescent. Delusions of grandeur abound. Years pass, certain dreams had to be abandoned. Each year caused the death of another aspiration. Yet he remained hopeful. He told himself he had to be. His father died before he'd seen a fifth of a century. The world's cold reality shattered his protective bubble. Then he met her.

She made him feel good about everything. He was just happy, simply thinking about her. More years pass. She lets him know she wants offspring. Two sons are produced. Worthy of carrying his name. His father's name. The third child kills her. He never forgives his daughter for a choice she never made. Better it end this way than with resentment in one's heart. Because love fades, it's not forever. But he can't see that. His daughter grows up to hate him because of it. Despite it all she maintains a good relationship with her brothers.

His children no longer children, they move out on their own. He begins to get sick again. This time he has trouble remembering the names of the antibiotics. At times he forgets where he is or how he got there. But he still remembers her and how she made him feel. On his last day in this world he visits her resting place. He can't speak, so he just stands there. Staring at the cold stone slab. That night he lies down in his bed one last time. He thinks of his father. He thinks of the world he knew. He thinks of her. And then he thinks no more. A child, quicker born, quicker bred, quicker dead.

A play in three acts
Only there is no encore
All the world's a stage

Are you kidding me?

People change with time
It's amazing to witness
Life breaks everyone

Juvenility: Ju-ve-nil-i-ty [joo-vuh-nil-i-tee] Noun - 1. An instance of being juvenile.

Juvenile: Ju-ve-nile [joo-vuh-nl, -nahyl] Adjective - 1. Immature; childish; infantile.

I have faith in the human race, dwindling as it may be. I try to love all people. I'm polite and friendly. I show no disrespect until disrespect is shown to me. I try not to judge but it is hard not to form an opinion of people as you interact with them over time. The two are very closely related. The distinction that I make is as follows. Judgments are more concrete than opinions, where as opinions can be swayed and altered more readily. That being said I have many opinions of many people and topics. Not all good, but there are reasons for that, just like there are reasons for the good opinions. I place values on certain information, traits, and actions; I then form opinions based on what I see, hear and read.

Given the above, I value my opinions. They are my own (for the most part). If asked by someone what my opinion on a topic or a certain individual is, I will let them know. Even if it isn't what they necessarily want to hear. There is a remedy to that, however, simply don't ask. I don't go around spouting my opinions where it's not welcome. I don't divulge unless input is requested of me (usually, unless I'm telling a joke, being witty, etc.).

One of my most prevalent opinions is on the topic of hypocrisy. Granted, no one has asked my opinion on hypocrisy as of late, but no one put a gun to your head and forced you to read this either. So here it is, in all its glory. Hypocrisy, that's for fags. That's how faggots do it. Don't complain about people being judgmental. Doing so is casting judgment on those people. That's being a hypocrite. Don't claim certain people are juvenile because of certain actions, but not really confront them about it. Hiding from a problem is far more juvenile than saying a few choice words. That makes you a hypocrite. Don't bemoan friends not living up to standards when you yourself aren't affording them any of the courtesies you are looking for. Communication is key, people can't read minds. That's for hypocrites, and fags, mostly fags.

But that's just my opinion of hypocrisy. It may change. It may not. For instance, an opinion of mine on a person changed recently. It's not the first and certainly not the last. This person was less than amiable even though I was nothing but nice. For the sake of a friend I was nice even though I began to dislike this person. However, this person recently stopped being a douche and opened up a little. Bam, like that I went from not liking this person to being on fairly neutral-to-good terms. That person decided to change, and with them so did my opinion.

My opinion of someone else recently changed from good to not so good. A disappointing event lead to said person's decline. I won't go into specifics, but the point is opinions change. Mine do anyway.

So I maintain that even though I'm not on my walkway, I try to reserve my judgments. But like I said, people look at me and find it hard not to judge. I'm not even on the walkway yet. What happens then?

Just for fun:
Ways to be juvenile - (In no particular order)
1. Don't answer your phone to avoid someone
2. Don't really confront someone about a problem you may have with them
3. Assume that people can read your mind when it comes to the aforementioned problem
4. Call others juvenile
5. Hide from your problems
6. Don't voice your opinion when asked so you feel like you belong
7. Be really agreeable so no one develops a negative or positive opinion of you
8. Don't make eye contact and hope the person you don't like doesn't come talk to you
9. Try to crush someone's fingers when shaking hands
10. Make fun of people with disabilities (Are you kidding me?)

Our sun gives us life
Let's complain about the light
Where's my sunglasses

Delays!

Flexing up on stage
The human body displayed
Witness the fitness

So more filming was done the previous Friday. Some old scenes and some new ones. Saturday was not as good though. Bad weather and problems with the cast created more delays. Every step forward is onto a slippery rock that might not support our weight. This ravine, I must cross it, but it seems to beckon me into her cold, wet arms. If only there was a bridge around. Alas there is not.

I think my thespians are beginning to lose patience and faith. But I have a vision, and confidence. Also, as of tonight, add ambition to that list. I saw a building, mirrored. Twin towers if you will. There was a walkway. Mr. lead me to the building. No way. That's where I want to be. Up in the sky, looking down on a young guy walking down below. Talking to his friends about his short film. Thinking of how great it would be to be up where I am. On this walkway. This walkway that lead me to this building. He'll see me and think, that's where I want to be. On this walkway. Looking down.

But from on high I will reserve judgment. Because who am I to judge? Because I've achieved something in this life that really amounts to nothing if pondered deeply. I will look at people and try not to judge, but they will look at me and find it hard not to judge. But none of this has happened yet. I'm not on the walkway. It hasn't lead me to any buildings. I'm down below looking up. Only, there's no one there. The walkway's empty. Mr. lead me to the building isn't leading anyone anywhere. Then, just like that, they're out of view. Out of sight, out of mind. But I still see that walkway in my head. I'm on it, looking down, but not down upon.

Friday will see the commencement of shooting. I can't wait. This is the first step toward that walkway. The first step that leads me to the building. My walkway waits. Gilbert, Natalie and Maria will facilitate these first steps. I am forever grateful, thespians, walkway et al.

Like strangling a goat
Tone deaf and some rusty pipes
He tries all the same

Movie Magic! Part Deux

Fostering ill will
Bereft of ill gotten gains
Bemoaning ill thoughts

Snag! Unhappy face. The audio for the raw footage is mediocre at best. It seems as though all the filmed scenes will need to be shot again to attain satisfactory quality audio. Still, Saturday is day 2 of the shoot. Let's hope all goes well then and Old Friends progresses rapidly toward completion. Sigh.

Someone said something
But because you were speaking
You did not catch it

Movie Magic!

I yell out action
The thespians get to work
Apes creating art

Day 1: Started off slowly. After some delays, the shooting began around 12 P.M. My actors were so bad but I had to just bite the bullet and get this done. I can ditch them when my genius is acknowledged. I kid, the actors were great and very natural. Filming went very smoothly and nature supplied us with a beautiful day to work with. We managed to finish 8 of the 19 scenes in the film. The finished product should run about 8-10 minutes long; So far I have 45 minutes of raw footage, just to give anyone reading this an idea of what film making is like. In case you didn't already know. I am really excited about getting this done and hopefully into some film festivals. The next day we're filming is Saturday, I'm giddy with anticipation.

Shirts and pants abound
The withering landscape lives
Beyond what we see

Inactivity due to lethargy

I think that, no wait
Maybe we could if only
Or how about, nah

I once saw a man with one hand. I asked him what life was like with one less hand. He told me that it was a handful to deal with. I did not expect him to have such a great sense of humour.

I don't feel like thinking of anything in particular to write about. Here are two amazing quotes from someone I had lost complete faith in until recently.

It's so stupid to kill people. They're so beautiful.

It's hard for me to judge people, and it's hard for them not to judge me.

Please go and watch JCVD. I cannot say enough about this movie.

How quickly we judge
Think of all the injustice
On this pale blue dot